[UNESCO has declared the Year 2000 as the Year for a culture of peace and non-violence. "MANIFESTO 2000 - Peace is in our hands" enjoins us to respect all life, to reject violence, to share with others, to listen to understand, to preserve the planet and to rediscover solidarity. In terms of solidarity, the manifesto asks us to contribute to the development of our communities with the full participation of women. Some time back I had answered a questionnaire for a feminist project under construction by some women out west. I would like to offer my answers to Montreal Serai readers because I think they fit in nicely with MANIFESTO 2000, and most importantly, because I also believe that peace is indeed in our hands. Maya Khankhoje.]
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Q: What feminist issues are most important to you, and why?
A: The issue of empowerment is the most important one. It can only be achieved when women have health and education, which can only flourish in an egalitarian and equitable society, free from the ravages of war, poverty and a deteriorating environment.
Q: What methods would you (or have you) use(d) to create social change? What would you not do?
A: As a woman, as a mother, as a writer, as a member of the workforce and as an activist, I have used different methods to try to create social change. As a woman, I have asked that a male partner respect me the way I respect him just as I have tried to always be there for women who might need my help and support. As the mother of two young women, I have tried to be a role-model to them and to inculcate in them a sense of their own worth. As a writer, I have wielded the pen to communicate to others my ideals of a feminist society. As a member of the workforce, I have fought for my right to work under fair and equitable conditions and have refused to be intimidated by those who would try to put me down. As an activist, I have participated in women's groups of different kinds, with my support, creativity and above all, with my hands and heart.
Q: What would you not do?
A: I would not try to force my views on others, especially on people coming from different backgrounds or experiences. However, I would not keep silent in such cases where tremendous harm could be done to a woman in the name of cultural traditions: for example, in the case of female circumcision, or wife battering. However, I would try to help in such a situation with tact and with the consent of the potential ‘victim.’ I would never try to ‘save’ someone who at that moment was not willing to participate in that process. But I would not forsake that person.
Q: How would the elimination of sexism and prejudice change your life?
A: Needless to say, it would make me very happy indeed! The area where sexism and prejudice hurt me the most was in my marriage, even though by many standards, including my own then, I was married to a feminist man. A greater feminist awareness during my marriage would have encouraged me to be even more assertive about my needs and aspirations and not to consider them less important than those of other members of my family. Having said all this, I must admit that some of the subtle sexist attitudes that affected my personal life were those that I internalized myself, such as thinking that my husband's career development was more important than my own.
Q: How were you first introduced to feminism? Who were the feminist role models in your life?
A: It is difficult to say who first introduced me to feminism, because I always thought women had as much a right to the world as men, although I have certainly expanded the scope of that world for women over the years. My mother was very important in this perception. She was the one who made major repairs around the house and took and implemented most practical decisions in our household. As a young woman in her native Belgium, she was called ‘femme nature’ - nature woman, for wearing neither bras nor corsets, a very daring thing to do in the thirties. Above all, she was an independent thinker and was not afraid of defying social convention.
My father, born into a traditional Hindu family in India, later on became a freedom fighter and always encouraged my sister and me to go for any profession we might have wanted, although his preference for us was science or medicine, rather uncommon occupations for women in my native Mexico in those days. He gave me a sense of self-worth by saying that I could be whatever I wanted, even a street-cleaner, provided I did my work well and did it with love. Maruca, my childhood friend in Mexico, became another role model, not by what she achieved, but by what she had to endure in a household of several brothers and sisters. Her father and brothers were religious sculptors who produced lovely works of art and Maruca wanted to join them in their trade, but all she was allowed to do was sweep away the bits and pieces of wood that fell on the floor. She also had to mind the family corner store, which was conveniently located off the kitchen. When she wasn't busy sewing and mending while minding the store, she would dart into the kitchen to look after the food. She was also expected to stay up late at night to wait for her brothers to return from their outings in order to warm up their meals. Once, when her bike had a flat tire, she asked one of her brothers to fix it. He refused and suggested that she go to a workshop far away from the house. This little incident clinched it. I ‘became’ a feminist. Later, my family and I went to live in India, and there I got used to hear names like Mrs. Bandaranaike, from Ceylon, first woman prime minister ever, Mrs. Pandit, Nehru's sister and first President of the UN General Assembly, and then Mrs. Gandhi, Prime Minister of India twice. I also did military service in India and the only gender-related problem I witnessed was when my shooting instructor had a tough time lying on the ground during target practice, because her baby - gracefully camouflaged by her olive colored sari -- was due in a few weeks! I also learnt feminism from my youngest daughter (why not, learning is a two-way process!) who, when barely a few years old, commented that a certain single mother of our acquaintance should get herself a husband, because "who will look after the children when she has to go to work?"
Q: How has feminism been part of your life? What feminist-related actions have you taken or been part of?
A: Feminism has been a part of my life in my awareness and perception of the world, although I was not an ‘activist’ while married and raising a young family. In my university days in India I helped break ground for the new university building with a pick axe, an innocent act which cost me a few friendships; and I also became campaign manager for another young woman who wanted to run for office in the student union. Over the years I have challenged ideas I might have accepted before unconsciously, such as the superiority of women dentists in dealing with cavities, and that of male dentists in pulling teeth out, a belief I held as a child. Having a feminist vision has made me more sympathetic to the plight of individual women who are suffering or who might be perceived of as making mistakes in their lives. My feminist actions at work include having helped set up a women's information center, which later became part of the staff association, and having helped women informally with work-related problems, including sexual harassment cases. I was also one of the founding members of a South Asian women's group in Montreal, which now provides social and other services to the community. I keep abreast of women's health issues and hope to write on the subject some day. I make sure I participate in different women's events, such as women's day celebrations and take-back-the night parades. I write for women's publications as much as possible. Above all, I try to be a better woman, which to me means being a better friend to other women.
Q: If you are a parent, how has your parenting been affected by feminist ideology?
A: I have two daughters and have always tried to encourage them to do what they must, without any gender prejudices. Very often my own daughters would shy away from calling themselves 'feminist' and I would gently remind them that many of the things they take for granted in their own lives are the result of feminist action in previous generations, such as the right to be considered on an equal footing with their partners, to engage in different professions, and to give their own dreams in life the same importance their own partners give theirs. When my mariage started to crumble, I became less and less willing to give in when my husband's aspirations and mine clashed. At some point I realised that what I had considered to be purely a family strategy, that is being the main bread winner while he pursued higher education, turned out to be an imbalance in gender roles in our marriage. Our marriage was fairly equitable while the going was good. When the going got rough, the world 'feminist' was hurled at me as an insult, whereas I reminded him that socialism began at home. Now I am happy to see that my daughters have come into their own and are fighting their own battles in their own manner.
Q: What does feminism mean to you? Why do you call yourself a feminist?
A: Feminism to me means loving the woman in me: daughter/ mother/ sister/ lover/ worker/ writer, the woman in my mother: nature woman/rebel woman, the woman in my younger daughter: dancer/poet/court interpreter, the woman in my older daughter: activist/environmentalist/guitar player, the woman in my sister: doctor, and in my niece: chemical engineer, the woman in my friend Maruca, and in all the Marucas of this world, who have suffered but managed to raise their children with dignity and make a better world for them. I call myself a feminist for the same reasons I call myself a pacifist/ environmentalist/ artist/ spiritualist: because I hunger to return to that point of perfect balance in the middle of the circle of life.
Q: If you were describing your personality and interests to a pen pal, what would you say?
A: I earn a living interpreting other people's thoughts from one language into another but find fulfillment writing my own. I was a daughter and now I am a mother, a sister and an aunt as well as a neighbor and friend. And I am a sometimes lover who wishes she had several more lives to live out love in a world where love and power aren't part of the same deal. I am also a lover of nature, the arts, and the written word. And when I can I love to walk all over the surface of our big round earth covered with plants and animals and people, women, children, men, in all sorts of sizes, colors and shapes. How could it be otherwise, when my father was born in one continent, my mother in another, my daughters and myself in yet another, and when my home is Montreal when it is not the world-at-large?
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