[audio: Diamond.mp3]
The Diamond that Used to be You
Oh honey, after you died from eating that bad meat
Didn’t seem right to just keep your remains on a jar in top of the t.v.
But luckily I saw a program there on Discovery
how to turn your ashes into diamonds with new technology.
Chorus:
Now I’m wearing the diamond that used to be you
Oh the gold in your teeth sure made a swell ring too
You’ll hang around my neck all the year through
Cause I’m wearing the diamond that used to be you.
Oh when your Great Aunt Edna died from influenza last spring
I knew how much you would miss her
You’d want her with you on your string
So I took the liberty of taking her ashes down
in my day 11 lunchbox to the man at the lab
And now she’s hanging right beside you
and Sparky, the cat.
Chorus
Well you know I had to add Pete the budgie
and your old hounddog Sam
after they died in that fire set by your nephew Sam
Then your sister, Cordelia, bless her,
She went to the promised land
After she lept from the ledge down at the old hydro dam.
Chorus
Darling, it’s been months now since the fire
but I’m afraid I got more bad news.
I lost my job at the cleaners
the mortgage on the new house
I bought after the fire came due
There were creditors at the door
and the pennies were too few
I had to take you down to main street
and hawk you.
Chorus:
Oh now I’ve lost the diamond that used to be you
The gold ring and all your relatives
Oh I had to pawn them too
But I swear, I swear when times are better
I’ll come back for you
